A wee example of the unconscious conditioned programming that runs in the back ground of our minds, unaware and deadly, until we bring it into the light.
There is a full length mirror right next to my bed. This morning when I woke up I caught a glance of my body. It wasn’t planned that way, just is. In fact, I never noticed before today. Quite surprisedly, I was faced with my nude form upon rising and my first thought was, “Damn, I wish that were my real body.”
Really, Juliann? Really? I want to cry it hurt so much to hear that thought fire in my brain. AND I AM a woman that has a HEALTHY body image, but I didn’t always have that. No, I, like so many woman, have been nitpicked about my body all my life.
“Your too skinny”
“Your boobs are too small”
“Your knees arent as perfect as the rest of you”
“Is that a roll of fat?”
Dear God, it was never fucking ending! What is so sad is that I had a delightfully beauiful body ALL my life and I didnt even know it. In fact, I was scared of my beauty because when someone did tell me I was beautiful it was usually while they were on top of me trying–and succeeding–in sticking thier dick into my teenage body.
I share this not get illicit a weatlh of “You are so beautifuls.” In fact, I beg you, please dont. It makes me itch. I love to be seen and honored, I hate being told what I look like. HATE IT.
I share this because it stunned me that the thought even came through me and in fact, was living INSIDE me. AND I couldnt help but think of the young women of this age–my nieces and thier friends–who hear so much worse then I did and in fact experience far more then I did (rapes not included, but then… YES, THEY ARE).
I just wanted to bring HOME an issue that is on the hot burner already…
Woman are perfect: fat, skinny, small-boobied, big-boobied, hard, soft and otherwise. Period. Please, love us. That is all we need. We will show you how.
I am so excited to have lived through the experiences of my past. They allow me to be an advocate for our future.
AND now, I really want to hug my nieces.