There was that time when I thought I was broken, worthless and unloveable. All of these things succeeded in feeding this one constantly throbbing thought…I was different from others. I clawed to be normal. I simply, most desparately wanted to fit it to this world.
As I grew, expanding in my knowledge of myself and the world at large, there came a time when I strived and even insisted that I was different. I didnt like this planet that I lived on. I found Earth to be a smoldering ball of hateful cacophony. I wanted nothing to do with it. I strived to make people see that I WAS different. I was special. Even as I hated this place, I wanted the place to love me. If I was extraordinary, I would be loved.
Now, I smile. A deep sense of relief fills me. I read words from women I have never met (read here) and I am relieved to know that there are many others out there… just like me. Women that have never fit, yet desparately wanted to, yet couldnt–at the same time–imagine being a part of the dark deluge of this world. So they became themselves.
So often in this time, I laugh because people say, “What is it about you? You are different from other people.”
What makes me different isnt really a difference as much as it is a knowing. I know that the beauty of this world far outwieghs the pain. As I came to see myself AS the world, I came to know that I AM the change I want to see in the world. I came to know that I am no different from any one else on this planet. I am a human being living on a planet sourced in contrast.
Knowing that; has made ALL the difference.