The last 5 days have been intense. Last night, I put it in the Universes hands, but somehow I wasnt feeling like I was connecting. When I did connect, I released this experience into the Universe. This morning, I felt the real pain.
Whats happened in the last 5 days hurt. I was hurting myself. I could have seen the patterns that show up when I over give like that, but I was so invested in looking strong that I couldnt see that I was weakening myself.
That part of me, that conditioned part of me that stil defines “spiritual” as some happy-vappy shit, had bamboozled me again! I was trying to show up as this strong, supportive, unconditionally loving spiritual chic (which is verra much a part of me). The truth was, I wasnt taking care of myself, I wasnt taking care of the parts that need to be seen as well as the strong elements of myself. I wasnt asking for what I needed and I wasnt getting met in the way I desire to be met.
This morning (after and amazing thanksgiving surrounded by loving friends) I got it. I let myself feel–no more hiding behind my spiritual mask–how much it hurts when I over-give to others and undervalue my own worth…again.
I am so relieved. The mask is off. Now, I have a new prayer. Let me learn to keep it off.
I share this vulnerably not so much to get pity, but in the hopes that my being so very honest assists you in sorting the details where your own masks are causing you pain.