“I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always.” ~ Byron Katie
Ive been waking up with what I call “primordial fear” again these last few days. It jumps in at the oddest moments. When it does I slow it all down and pray. I’ve been without a home for nearly 4-months now. It is this lack of rooting that is bringing up this primordial fear. Root chakra stuff will rock anyones world.
Having said that, I trust this process I am in. The changes in my consciousness that have occurred in the last few months have been nothing short of amazing. I find that even when that deep fear brings me out of slumber, adrenaline coursing through my viens at 100mph, a simple, “I trust this” brings me back to… well, Its brings me back to the energy I want to bring into the world.
This morning, I have deeply listened to a good friend process the changes in her life. I have shared with another just a wee bit of encouragement about the amazing leap of faith she just took. I have shared with 3 different people in my Interchange class that I will be there as they open their hearts and take that step into true surrender (which feels vulnerable as HELL people, make no mistake.)
What feels really fabulous for me is this… I MEANT EVERY SINGLE WORD. I LISTENED WITH EVERY BEAT OF MY HEART.
I have never felt more JOY AND WHOLENESS then I do right now. That is not to say that all is honky-dory. NO, I am still freaked that at the end of December I am going to have to ask people to put me up, again. I still wonder if I can afford groceries. The shame is there, peeps, OH IT IS!
Yet, there is this treasure, even with the shame, knowing that I am living out of my heart in a way that makes me feel at HOME.