The Four ImmeasurablesMay all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness
May they be free from suffering and the causes of suffering
May they never be apart from the sacred happiness which is free of suffering
May they dwell in the great equanimity, free of attachment and aversion.
This story came to me in a vision. At the time that I had this vision, I thought it was a symbol of the work to come between a man and myself. This morning I realized, this is the kind of power I desire in relationship. Period. Not just with any one man, but with the world, with myself.
I long to be seen fully, not only by a man, but also by the world. I long to be loved as give love to all the faces that a woman carries: the rage of our ancestral karmic passdowns, the pain of childbirth, the joy of cooking, loving, dancing, the passion of making love and the sadness of pain, grief and loss.
I desire to be seen for all of these things and held in the arms of One that can hold that. I don’t care if it is one man or the world. I desire to give this to myself.
I love you. Enjoy the vision…
We were at a festival. You were talking to a young boy; I was speaking to a group of people a little ways a way. You said to the boy, “I have to go serve the Goddess.” He responded, “Why would You serve the Goddess? You are Shiva!” You just laughed and told him to watch and see.
You came over and asked if you could speak to me, I smiled and let you lead me to the center of the crowd. When we got there you whispered in my ear, “Show me your entire face.” I scowled at you, “You know I don’t do that.”
You said it again. I said, “I don’t trust people to see that and you know it! No!” I tried to walk away but you wrapped your arms around me, tickling me and kissing my neck, I couldn’t get out of your grasp. Each time you asked me to show my entirety, I would give another reason why I wouldn’t…
“Its not safe”
“My full expression scares people”
“I will not be loved”
“I am too much.”
As your words, “Show me your entire face,” beat a tattoo in my ears like a jackhammer destroying cement on a busy street, I was feeling more and more angered and anguished. You could feel the Kundalini rising in my spine and taunted me more, like a snake charmer raising a cobra from its basket.
Finally, in a total frenzy of fear, shame and righteous anger I broke from your grasp, whirled around and screamed, “Not even YOU can see that, Mother Fucker!” AND then, I turned into Kali. Arms flying, hair wild, blood everywhere…I ate you.
As I took you whole into my womb there was a moment of awed silence…and then, like a waterfall of liquid blue fire you came from my mouth, a fully embodied Shiva, long hair swinging in the radiant light of your blue-skinned face.
Two aspects of the One, we fought and embraced, we made passionate love right there on the ground.
When the smoke cleared…
We were both dressed in comfortable white clothing. You were standing in your human form, a gentle smile on your lips. I was kneeling at your feet, smiling up at you. A peaceful expression in my eyes.
You looked at the little boy and said, “That’s why I, Shiva, serve the Goddess.”
~~~For more information on the names of the Goddess and what they symbolise click the picture of Kali. For AMAZING information on the feminine aspect in the history of Vajrayana Buddhism (one that is near and dear to my heart), click the picture of Shiva at the top.